would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
