Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
