I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
