its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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