she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
