True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm like, not good at living.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
