I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
