I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
being pregnant is like rehab
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
