I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Randomize
