You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
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