Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
