I showed him my bush... on skype.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
