Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
