I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
