just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
