Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.

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(443): View more from Maryland

At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...

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(850): View more from Florida

We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?

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(801): View more from Utah

I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified

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(845): View more from New York

She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.

(1-845): View more from New York

she is way to in-touch with her childhood

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(626): View more from California

Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...

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(518): View more from New York

Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat

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(217): View more from Illinois

Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude

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