If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
