It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
