Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
