you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Randomize
