omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i just sent this text using only my big toe
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
