how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
