Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
