I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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