Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
