I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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