Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
