I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
