Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
should my penis look like a turkey
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
