I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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