Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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