I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
