My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
