her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
