i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I wish they made helmets for livers.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
