Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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