He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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