I wish my penis had an off switch
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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