If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
