At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Randomize
