omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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