I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
