but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
