Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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