the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Omg I joined a choir last night...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
