The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Oh god it's open bar.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
