If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
The best revenge is premature balding
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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