She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
