I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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