i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
