so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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